Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts

Sunday, 20 June 2010

Well it's Father's Day and everybody's wounded.

Up, Down, Appendices.

"Ten thousand men on a hill, some of ’m goin’ down, some of ’m gonna get killed."

Alton Lee WilsonAlton Lee WilsonAlton Lee WilsonAlton Lee WilsonAlton Lee WilsonAlton Lee WilsonAlton Lee WilsonAlton Lee WilsonAlton Lee Wilson
I'm going looking for his grave today, I helped carry him to it back ... 1981 sometime ... died just about on his birthday, I couldn't reach him by phone ... they found him a week later bloated and rotten, summertime ... I think that last picture is some kind of bullshit corporate honour - 50 years on the job maybe it was, yeah, we had a piano in our house though I never learned to play,

if I had to say one thing it would be that he loved his wife and his wife loved him, with all their hearts, and if I had to say two I would add that he loved me and I loved him, the same way - with all out hearts, and three - he loved gardening, God bless him.

Floribert Chebeya BahizireFloribert Chebeya BahizireFloribert Chebeya BahizireFloribert Chebeya BahizireFloribert Chebeya BahizireFloribert Chebeya Bahizire was one of those who got killed, obviously courageous, probably stubborn as fuck, a husband and father ... this is about memory and honour and dignity today ...

Robert DziekanskiRobert Dziekanski wasn't a father as far as I know, and I haven't seen anything about his father, but he might have been a father if the RCMP hadn't murdered him, it's been almost three years now and last week Thomas Braidwood released his final report - and the RCMP carries on 'praised by faint damning'

Thomas BraidwoodThomas BraidwoodBraidwood is reported saying (here and here), "I think I was blunt enough, full enough, and hopefully accurate enough that those reading it can draw their own conclusions," all good I guess except I thought we had just kept him busy for two years and filled his jeans with cash exactly in order that he draw conclusions? wasn't that it?

Richard PeckRichard Peckthe muffle-mouth shit-head leader of the RCMP, William Elliott, goes on spinning and trying to spin, and now we await the results of yet another inquiry, this time by Richard Peck who has been assigned as 'special prosecutor' by Mike de Jong, the BC Attorney General, God knows when they will finally put these murderers behind bars, if ever? GOD DAMN THEM ALL!

not nice things to be saying on Sunday morning and all ...

all this delay might be construed as somehow reasonable if there had not been a video taken by Paul Pritchard which shows as clear as day exactly what the Mountie thugs did to him, we can only hope that Paul Pritchard eventually becomes a father.

and finally, Khattiya Sawasdipol / Seh Daeng, from Thailand, killed by government forces, and his grieving daughter:
Khattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya SawasdipolKhattiya Sawasdipol


Appendices:
1. Remembering Floribert Chebeya, Dave Peterson, Jun 11 2010.
2. Is depression a disease?, Leah McLaren, June 18 2010.
3. Talking therapies are more effective than Prozac-type drugs, says scientist, Hannah Devlin, June 14 2010.
4. Initial Severity and Antidepressant Benefits: A Meta-Analysis of Data Submitted to the Food and Drug Administration, Irving Kirsch1, February 26 2008.
5. RCMP officers to face second look at charges, Neal Hall, June 19 2010.
6. Piling up the negatives, Brian Hutchinson, June 19 2010.



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Remembering Floribert Chebeya, Dave Peterson, Jun 11 2010.

Floribert’s murder is an enormous outrage. He was undoubtedly Congo’s most prominent, committed, courageous human rights activist. From his early years when he won the Reebok Human Rights awards in 1992 for fighting the Mobutu dictatorship, through the national conference process, the civil war, the Laurent Kabila regime, the Congolese elections, and the current dispensation, which continues to deteriorate – Floribert persevered, finally paying the ultimate price for his vision of a free and democratic Congo. He should be remembered as one of Congo’s greatest freedom fighters, a leader of Africa’s democratic movement, and an international human rights giant. This is a terrible loss. His death must not be in vain. His life’s work must continue.

I first met Floribert about 20 years ago when he was visiting the U.S. and the Endowment made its first grant to the organization he led, Le Voix des Sans Voix, in 1991 for $31,289, “to support the VSV’s efforts to increase the understanding of and commitment to human rights and democracy in Zaire through a civic education program that includes a monthly bulletin, audiovisual materials, and public meetings.” It was the first grant NED made in Zaire, along with one to the Ligue Zairois des Droits de l’Homme, which folded a few years later. But VSV carried on and has continued to receive NED support ever since, one of a small elite. NED’s program in Congo is now our largest in Africa, and there can be no question that Floribert paved the way and set the standard for all that followed.

Floribert was both gentle and fierce. His small stature, soft voice, thick glasses and warm smile belied the toughness and determination that landed him in and out of detention on multiple occasions, and that elevated him to be the widely acknowledged leader of Congo’s human rights movement in networks such as Droits de l’Homme Maintentant, and mentor to scores of human rights NGOs across the country. When the pressure and threats became too great, Floribert would send his wife and children across the river to Brazzaville, but he stayed behind in Kinshasa to continue his work. He lived modestly, and if he had political ambitions, he never pursued them. His family had to move from time to time for security reasons, but the occasions when I was honored to have dinner at his home were filled with the love and warmth of his devoted wife and children. When he spoke before mass audiences his eloquence and passion were captivating, but unlike so many other tribunes of the people, his integrity was incorruptible, he never lost his connection with the Congolese people whose voice he had become. I sat with him once as he interviewed an alleged recent victim of human rights abuse. He was gentle, yet probing, and rather than rushing to use her as a convenient weapon against the authorities, determined that her case was doubtful, but he promised to follow up with her later. He and the staff of VSV investigated and sought redress for hundreds of such cases.

Floribert was a realist. He understood politics. But he never sacrificed principles. He was as unafraid to denounce American policies he saw as wrong as he was those of his own government. When most other Congolese, including some human rights advocates, were denouncing the Tutsis and Banyamulenge after the Rwandan invasion, Floribert defended the rights of innocent civilians who were targets of human rights abuse no matter what their ethnicity. He had enormous energy. Leading a committed team, Voix de Sans Voix has issued hundreds of press statements over the years, meticulously documenting human rights abuses and denouncing them. VSV has likewise held hundreds of workshops, training conferences, civic education events, and campaigns. Floribert undoubtedly inspired hundreds of activists throughout the country who still cite VSV for getting them off the ground, showing them how to do human rights work, and counseling them on strategy. He distributed his Reebok Human Rights Award among other civil society organizations rather than keeping it for himself or even his own organization. His impact on the human rights movement and the understanding and appreciation for democracy in Congo was profound.

Whether or not the gunman or the person who gave the orders is ever identified, we know who killed Floribert Chebeya. The Congolese political system has become increasingly repressive, human rights organizations are continually threatened, journalists have been murdered, the political opposition emasculated, and the rule of law flouted. In the east the vicious killings, looting, and mass rapes committed by the Congolese army continue unabated. The UN peacekeepers are being pressed to leave, and the prospects for any democratic elections in the future are fading. The Congolese people have lost one of their most ardent defenders. Floribert will be remembered among the pantheon of African martyrs and freedom fighters such as Patrice Lumumba, Steve Biko, and Tom Mboya. But those who committed this crime must not go unpunished. Floribert’s vision of a free and democratic Congo must be preserved. Floribert would have demanded no less.



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Is depression a disease?, Leah McLaren, June 18 2010.

Big Pharma says yes, but others aren't so sure

‘It's all in your head” isn't something a chronically depressed person likes to hear. In the age of Prozac, when adjusting your serotonin level is as normal as checking the oil in your car, it seems unhelpful to suggest that someone might think their way into – or out of – a disease of the mind.

And yet depression is all in our heads. Where else would it be? The real question, still hotly debated in the scientific community, is whether its cause is chemical and ultimately curable (good news for Big Pharma) or something far more complex (good news for poets and pot-smoking students of existential philosophy).

There is no doubt that depression exists. Inexplicable sadness – or “melancholia,” as it was historically known – has been with us since Hippocrates conceived his famous oath. But a groundbreaking new study has found that not only is depression affected by the way we think about it, so too is its cure.

Last week Irving Kirsch, a professor at the University of Hull in the U.K., presented a study that found Prozac and its ilk are no more effective than placebos in treating depression. In his view, there is no substantial link between serotonin – the brain chemical that antidepressants are supposed to regulate – and chronic depression.

It's a controversial study – one that many members of the psychiatric community reject out of hand – but it also raises a nagging question about depression: How did it come to be recognized as a disease in the first place?

Like Hirsch, psychologist and writer Gary Greenberg is part of a growing number of psychiatric professionals who have begun to publicly question the underpinnings of popular thinking on depression.

His recent book, Manufacturing Depression, debunks the prevailing notion that depression is a disease and anti-depressants the long-awaited cure.

In his view, the game is rigged. As he told me in a phone interview, “the disease was invented to justify the cure.”

Greenberg sums up the history of modern depression like this: In the 1950s, doctors researching drugs for unrelated illnesses discovered that certain substances made people feel high. They didn't know why or how, just that they'd struck oil. These psychoactive drugs were marketed as mood enhancers and by the 1960s minor tranquilizers like Valium and Librium were routinely prescribed to people who these days would likely be classified as clinically depressed. Once the market was established, the race was on to develop the perfect mood-elevating pill. At the same time, pharmaceutical companies began to search for a way to increase the market share. An executive at the U.S. drug company Merck had a brilliant idea – why not broaden the diagnostic criteria for depression in order to sell more people the drugs? They recruited a doctor to write a book entitled Recognizing the Depressed Patient, which was then distributed to some 50,000 doctors around the country. The strategy was a resounding success and stands as an early triumph of viral marketing. And the script in that book is the same criteria doctors today use to determine whether a patient qualifies for anti-depressants and is, by extension, “chemically imbalanced.”

In his own book, Greenberg participates in a clinical trial himself, signing up first as a minor depressive (for which he believes himself qualified) and later getting upgraded to major depressive simply by answering the questions honestly.

As a clinician he takes issue with the methodology used to determine depression. He points out that answering “yes” to questions like “Have you been feeling depressed lately?” and “Do you ever wonder if life is worth living?” may be evidence that you are a Prozac candidate or simply a natural response to watching the latest news on the BP oil spill.

“With clinical depression, the symptoms justify the disease,” he says. “There's an infinite regress and no bottom. Don't forget they used to be able to scientifically ‘diagnose' homosexuality the same way.”

As a practising psychologist, Greenberg knows the dirty truth about anti-depressants – that the theory on which their effectiveness is based is just that: a theory. The notion of chemical imbalance has never been proven and remains highly controversial. It is, according to Greenberg, “a myth, which, like all great myths, gathers together the central beliefs and ethos of a society.” In this case, it's the belief in magic-bullet medicine combined with the prevalence of materialism (i.e. the belief that psychological truths can be located in the physical brain).

And of course, it's all very convenient for Big Pharma, which makes billions curing people of a disease that may not exist. Last year in Canada alone, almost 35-million prescriptions were filled for anti-depressants, at a total cost of over $1.5-billion.

This is not to say that Greenberg agrees with Kirsch. “His interpretation of the effects of consciousness-altering drugs doesn't really add up. Frankly I don't think he's taken many of them.”

While Greenberg believes depression is over-diagnosed and anti-depressants are over-prescribed, he sees nothing wrong with experimenting with pharmaceuticals in order to alleviate sadness or mental suffering, which are of course as old as human consciousness itself. He just wishes we would understand that that's what we're doing, rather than convincing ourselves we're suffering from a mental illness and in need of a cure. Such behaviour brings to mind my temperance worker grandmother who used to allow herself a thimble of whisky every night on the grounds that her doctor had prescribed it as “medicine.”

“When we call a form of suffering an illness, we are saying it deserves recognition and resources. In this case, unfortunately, the kind of resources it commands are money for drugs. What if we could use those resources for other things – say, to figure out ways to make our society less isolating, less individualistic?”

There's no question where Greenberg lands on the scale between Big Pharma and the poets.

As for me, I'd rather get on with life. And by that I mean staring at the wall and contemplating whether it's actually worth living.



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Talking therapies are more effective than Prozac-type drugs, says scientist, Hannah Devlin, June 14 2010.



Antidepressants of the Prozac type are no better than a placebo, a leading psychologist has claimed. According to Irving Kirsch, the evidence is overwhelming that there is no link between depression and serotonin, the brain chemical that such drugs are supposed to affect.

Practising psychiatrists, however, say that it would be disastrous to use stricter criteria for the prescription of antidepressants on the basis of Professor Kirsch’s research findings. “Be very careful what you advise, because we in the surgeries will be left to pick up the pieces,” said Amjad Uppal, a consultant psychiatrist for the Gloucestershire NHS Trust.

Last year in England the NHS issued 39 million prescriptions to treat depression, more than half being for “selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor” (SSRI) drugs. Three million people took antidepressants daily. Antidepressants including Prozac and the newer generation of SSRIs, such as Seroxat, are taken to increase the level of serotonin in the brain.

Professor Kirsch argued that they worked through the placebo effect — patients expect to be made to feel better — and said that “talking treatments” such as cognitive behavioural therapy were more effective in the long term.

“Although the chemical-imbalance theory is often presented as if it were fact, it is actually a controversial hypothesis,” he said. “This is about as close as a theory gets in science to being disproven by the evidence.”

Others maintain that antidepressants do have an active biochemical influence. “We do not fully understand how these drugs work, but there is evidence that they influence the number of neurons and the connections between neurons. You can’t draw conclusions about this because of the nature of the study,” said Hamish McAllister- Williams, a consultant psychiatrist and psychopharmacologist at Newcastle University.

He said that depression was a dangerous illness, noting that sufferers were at as high a risk of a heart attack as those who smoked 20 cigarettes a day.

Dr McAllister-Williams believed that “at least a proportion” of the effect of the drugs was “due to active ingredients, but either way they work and we really need an effective treatment”. Dr Uppal said: “I have a very high threshold for prescribing antidepressants, but there’s no doubt in my mind they work. Research studies are artificial and do not capture the difference between effectiveness and efficacy.”

Professor Kirsch’s research, presented at The Times Cheltenham Science Festival, shows that a new drug, tianeptine, is just as effective as SSRIs in treating depression. Tianeptine, which is a serotonin reuptake enhancer, actually decreases the level of the chemical.

In comparisons of tianeptine with SSRIs and the earlier tricyclic antidepressants, the three produced virtually identical response rates: 63 per cent of patients responded to tianeptine, 62 per cent to SSRIs and 65 per cent to tricyclics. If drugs having three different effects on serotonin brought similar benefits, these could not be due to their specific chemical activity, Professor Kirsch said. “The idea that the neurotransmitter serotonin is a causal factor in depression is wrong.”



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Initial Severity and Antidepressant Benefits: A Meta-Analysis of Data Submitted to the Food and Drug Administration, Irving Kirsch1, Brett J. Deacon, Tania B. Huedo-Medina, Alan Scoboria, Thomas J. Moore, Blair T. Johnson, February 26 2008.

Kirsch and colleagues show that, in antidepressant trials, there is a greater difference in efficacy between drug and placebo amongst more severely depressed patients. However, this difference seems to result from a poorer response to placebo amongst more depressed patients.

Abstract

Background:
Meta-analyses of antidepressant medications have reported only modest benefits over placebo treatment, and when unpublished trial data are included, the benefit falls below accepted criteria for clinical significance. Yet, the efficacy of the antidepressants may also depend on the severity of initial depression scores. The purpose of this analysis is to establish the relation of baseline severity and antidepressant efficacy using a relevant dataset of published and unpublished clinical trials.

Methods and Findings:
We obtained data on all clinical trials submitted to the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for the licensing of the four new-generation antidepressants for which full datasets were available. We then used meta-analytic techniques to assess linear and quadratic effects of initial severity on improvement scores for drug and placebo groups and on drug–placebo difference scores. Drug–placebo differences increased as a function of initial severity, rising from virtually no difference at moderate levels of initial depression to a relatively small difference for patients with very severe depression, reaching conventional criteria for clinical significance only for patients at the upper end of the very severely depressed category. Meta-regression analyses indicated that the relation of baseline severity and improvement was curvilinear in drug groups and showed a strong, negative linear component in placebo groups.

Conclusions:
Drug–placebo differences in antidepressant efficacy increase as a function of baseline severity, but are relatively small even for severely depressed patients. The relationship between initial severity and antidepressant efficacy is attributable to decreased responsiveness to placebo among very severely depressed patients, rather than to increased responsiveness to medication.



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RCMP officers to face second look at charges, Neal Hall, June 19 2010.

Attorney-General makes announcement after release of final report into Robert Dziekanski's death

A special prosecutor will take a second look at charges against four RCMP officers after the Braidwood inquiry found the Taser used on Robert Dziekanski in 2007 was an unnecessary use of force, B.C.'s attorney-general announced Friday.

In addition, the province will establish, within a year, an independent civilian agency to investigate police-related deaths and serious injuries. The agency, to be led by a civilian who has never worked for police, will be called the Independent Investigations Office (IIO) and will have the authority to investigate the RCMP and municipal police.

Attorney-General Mike de Jong made the announcement Friday, minutes after the release of inquiry commissioner Thomas Braidwood's bluntly worded final report.

"Moving to an IIO model will help prevent in future what played out during the inquiry and is highlighted in the commission's report -- a number of discrepancies between what RCMP officers told investigators in 2008 and what came out at the inquiry," de Jong said.

In his report, Braidwood concluded the "shameful conduct" of the officers was not justified.

The retired appeal-court judge condemned the actions of the four RCMP officers, who responded to a 911 call reporting the presence of a violent drunk at Vancouver International Airport after 1:30 a.m. on Oct. 14, 2007. (An autopsy later determined he had no alcohol or drugs in his system.)

Braidwood found the officers mishandled the situation by approaching Dziekanski as though they were dealing with a pub brawl instead of a distraught and exhausted visitor, who had spent more than 10 hours after arriving from Poland unsuccessfully trying to find his mother at the airport.

One of the officers repeatedly shocked Dziekanski with a Taser, even after he fell to the floor writhing in pain.

Dziekanski, 40, died minutes after police handcuffed his hands behind his back.

His mother, Zofia Cisowski, waited at the airport for more than seven hours, but finally returned to her Kamloops home when told by customs officials that her son could not be found.

Dziekanski was hoping to start a new life in Canada. He spoke no English and had never been on a plane before.

Braidwood found the four officers should have used their skills and training to de-escalate the situation rather than deploying the stun gun five times. Police contact with Dziekanski lasted only 75 seconds, he pointed out.

Braidwood quoted Dziekanski's final words, spoken in Polish: "Leave me alone. Did you become stupid? Have you gone insane? Why?"

The 459-page report is titled Why? The Robert Dziekanski Tragedy.

"In my view, Const. [Kwesi] Millington was not justified in deploying the weapon against Mr. Dziekanski, given the totality of the circumstances he was facing at the time," Braidwood concluded in his report.

"Similarly, Cpl. [Benjamin] Robinson was not justified in instructing him to deploy the weapon."

Braidwood dismissed as false the officers' claims that they were forced to wrestle Dziekanski to the ground, noting that he'd fallen after the first shock.

"The initial claims by all four officers that they wrestled Mr. Dziekanski to the ground were untrue," said the report. "In my view they were deliberate misrepresentations, made for the purpose of justifying their actions."

The incident was captured on an amateur video that was posted on YouTube, prompting an international public outcry because the video showed a markedly different scenario than the police version of events. The officers testified at the inquiry that they believed Dziekanski intended to attack because he had a stapler in his hand.

But Braidwood dismissed their testimony, saying, "I do not believe that either of these officers honestly perceived that Mr. Dziekanski was intending to attack them or the other officers."

The inquiry commissioner found Dziekanski was compliant with police commands and did not brandish the stapler as a weapon.

"Mr. Dziekanski did not bring this on himself," Braidwood told reporters Friday.

Braidwood was asked by a reporter why he stopped short of calling the RCMP officers' actions misconduct.

"I think I was blunt enough, full enough, and hopefully accurate enough that those reading it can draw their own conclusions," he explained.

"This tragic case is, at its heart, the story of shameful conduct of a few officers. It ought not to reflect unfairly on the many thousands of RCMP and other police officers who have, through years of public service, protected our communities and earned a well-deserved reputation in doing so."

The attorney-general, however, said minutes later: "There was misconduct here and it reflects badly. The response here was way out of proportion to what was warranted."

De Jong credited Braidwood for doing "a tremendous job of unravelling and probing all the circumstances surrounding the tragic death.... B.C. agrees with the intent, principle and purpose of each of the report's recommendations."

De Jong also praised Dziekanski's mother for attending Friday's news conference. "You are a brave lady and I think British Columbians and Canadians have seen that firsthand. I thank you for being here," he said.

Cisowski said she was pleased by the attorney-general's appointment of a special prosecutor to review whether charges should be laid.

The Criminal Justice Branch announced Friday that senior Vancouver criminal lawyer Richard Peck has been appointed as special prosecutor.

RCMP Commissioner William Elliot admitted Friday to reporters in Vancouver that the force's handling of the fatal incident "failed at many levels" and the events should have unfolded differently.

"It is clear our policies and training in place at the time were deficient," he told reporters. "We acknowledge that the actions of our members who dealt with Mr. Dziekanski also fell short."

He went on to outline all the changes the RCMP has made since the incident, in training, policy and procedures involving the use of force and Taser use.

Elliot began his news conference by offering Dziekanski's mother "our sincere condolences on the death of her son Robert and to apologize unconditionally for the role the RCMP, including individual members of the RCMP, played in his tragic death."

A Vancouver Sun reporter asked why the RCMP didn't apologize when the citizen's video was released, but instead waited more than two years.

"That's a very good question," Elliot said.

"I wish we would have offered an apology to Mrs. Cisowski a lot sooner than we did."

He said the force will be revisiting some of the decisions made at the time.

Elliot admitted that the RCMP "messed up," making mistakes and errors in judgment that undermined public confidence in the force: "Canadians will not support us when they don't trust us."

He said the RCMP welcomed the B.C. government's plan to establish a civilian agency and will cooperate with a special prosecutor appointed to review the original Crown decision not to charge the four Mounties.

Elliot said one of the officers has been suspended for an unrelated incident and the other three have been assigned to administrative duties. Vancouver RCMP Insp. Tim Shields, asked if it was true that three of the officers were on medical leave, said he could not comment.

Robinson has been charged with obstruction of justice for his involvement in an accident in Delta in 2008 that killed motorcyclist Orion Hutchinson, 21.

Delta police recommended Robinson be charged with impaired driving, but the Crown said there was insufficient evidence. The officer left the accident scene with his two children and went to his nearby home, where he claimed he had a couple of shots of vodka.


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Piling up the negatives, Brian Hutchinson, June 19 2010.

It was the first question put to Thomas Braidwood at his news conference yesterday, and the most significant. The nut of it lay in the preamble, rather than in the query itself. Judge Braidwood had just released his meticulously constructed and damning 460-page analysis of events leading to the death of Polish immigrant Robert Dziekanski.

"You found misconduct," declared Global television reporter John Daly, before getting to the gist of his question, which I'll confess I didn't quite catch. I had stopped listening and was looking for Judge Braidwood's reaction instead.

Seconds earlier, Judge Braidwood stopped half-an-inch short of calling the four RCMP members involved in the 2007 Vancouver airport tragedy incompetents, liars and thugs. But he hadn't alleged "misconduct" on their part. And nowhere does the word "misconduct" appear in his report.

Yet the retired judge didn't correct Mr. Daly. Why not?

Last year, his commission of inquiry counsel fought the four RCMP officers all the way to the B.C. Appeal Court to protect his authority to determine misconduct. A finding of misconduct would surely influence any future prosecution, should one ever come. But Judge Braidwood didn't go that far.

Why is that, another reporter pressed.

"I think I was blunt enough, full enough, and hopefully accurate enough that those reading it can draw their own conclusions," Judge Braidwood replied.

This is an eminent jurist who doesn't make mistakes. Judge Braidwood chooses his words carefully, deliberately. In those exchanges yesterday, he seemed to be playing a bit coy. He allowed to pass suggestions that there was misconduct, without making them himself. I think he had realized at some point, preparing his report, that he didn't need to. The report would be strong enough. After his press conference yesterday, B.C. Attorney-General Mike de Jong announced the appointment of a special prosecutor, Richard Peck, to consider charges against the four officers. The special prosecutor will start with the full Braidwood report, and go from there.

The special prosecutor will read how the RCMP constable who zapped Mr. Dziekanski five times with his Taser "deliberately misrepresented" the incident in his police report. To the same passage--indeed, the same sentence -- Judge Braidwood added the words "overstated," "prejudicial" and "self-serving." That's some pretty strong stuff.

There's his description of the senior officer's "refusal" to remove handcuffs from Mr. Dziekanski as the 40-year-old lay dying on the airport floor, post-Tasering, post-police dog pile. This refusal was "unjustified," wrote Judge Braidwood.

There's much more. The negatives pile up. "Unprofessional," wrote Judge Braidwood. "Factually inaccurate." "Shameful conduct by a few officers."

The judge also made it clear yesterday that the public should not focus only on missteps made by the four officers. While he did not have the authority to ascribe blame or recommend charges, he was certainly able to make findings of fact and point fingers wherever warranted.

He came down hard on the Canada Border Services Agency, in particular on one of its Vancouver airport officers. Robert Dziekanski's death could have been avoided had the CBSA worked differently than it did on that night in October 2007.

Mr. Dziekanski arrived at YVR from Poland "fatigued, confused and stressed," writes Judge Braidwood. "He was dishevelled and sweating profusely around the face. I do not find any of this remarkable, given his fear of flying, the long trip and his inability to speak English."

After clearing customs and immigration, Mr. Dziekanski wandered inside the airport's international arrivals area for hours.

"One would think that the Canada Border Services Agency would want, for its own security purposes, to maintain tighter control than this on the movements of arriving passengers," Judge Braidwood writes in his report. "The fact that Mr. Dziekanski went unnoticed for more than five hours points to inadequate services to ensure that passengers move through the customs and immigration processes in an orderly and prompt manner."

Mr. Dziekanski's mother, Zofia Cisowski, waited with a friend in the airport's public meet and greet area. Her son had arrived from Poland and was still inside the customs zone, she was sure. They managed to speak via telephone to a CBSA officer inside, Tina Zadravec; she told them she could not find a man matching Mr. Dziekanski's description. She'd looked. She refused their offer to take down Mr. Dziekanski's name and run it through a flight manifest. But this would have confirmed that Mr. Dziekanski had indeed landed.

As Judge Braidwood concluded, "it was ill-considered and cavalier for her, not having taken those steps, to advise [Ms. Cisowski's friend] that in all certainty Mr. Dziekanski was not there and that they might as well go home."

They went home. "Had they been told to wait outside, [Mr. Dziekanski] would be alive today," Judge Braidwood said yesterday.

Ms. Zadravec, the CBSA officer, would later spot Mr. Dziekanski seated in a chair. She told police weeks later that she thought he might have been drunk. Other witnesses said the same. But Mr. Dziekanski wasn't drunk. He did become agitated. He would soon be dead.

Judge Braidwood made eight recommendations in all. Most, if not all, likely will be implemented. And while his work is over, this RCMP business isn't. Judge Braidwood could have gone further, but the door's been left open a crack.

Sunday, 23 May 2010

old habits die hard

Up, Down, Appendices.

Michelangelo DavidGiraffeMiss America Rima FakihAlek WekAlek WekAlek WekBan Ki Moon Michaëlle JeanYoung Buddhist Monk - he looks worried to me.David Horsey - Ship of State
who is this Krugman guy I wonder? can he be trusted? dunno ... can't say ... but one thing for certain, you secular shit-head know-nothings, depression is not a 'disease' (!)

when asked by Lisa Grainger, "How often do you fly?" she said, "Often once or twice a week, for work," and to, "Do you offset your carbon?" Alek Wek replied, "What’s that? Oh, planting trees. Yes, I agree with that. We survived on natural resources, so we should take care of the earth. When I leave home, I do things like switching off the heat and lights."


They're rioting in Africa,
They're starving in Spain,
There's hurricanes in Florida,
And Texas needs rain.

The whole world is festering with unhappy souls.
The French hate the Germans, the Germans hate the Poles.
Italians hate Yugoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch.
And we don't like anybody very much.

But we can be tranquil and thankful and proud,
For man's been endowed with a mushroom-shaped cloud,
And we know for certain that some lovely day
Someone will set the spark off
And we will all be blown away.

They're rioting in Africa,
There's strife in Iran.
What nature doesn't so to us
Will be done by our fellow man.

     Sheldon Harnick, 1955.

We Will All Go Together When We Go, Tom Lehrer, 1959.
We'll Meet Again, Vera Lynn, 1942.


Appendices:
1. The Old Enemies, Paul Krugman, Nay 23 2010.
2. Depression common in seniors’ facilities, study finds, André Picard, Nay 20 2010.
3. On the Verge of ‘Vital Exhaustion’?, Benedict Carey, May 31 2010.


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The Old Enemies, Paul Krugman, Nay 23 2010.

So here’s how it is: They’re as mad as hell, and they’re not going to take this anymore. Am I talking about the Tea Partiers? No, I’m talking about the corporations.

Much reporting on opposition to the Obama administration portrays it as a sort of populist uprising. Yet the antics of the socialism-and-death-panels crowd are only part of the story of anti-Obamaism, and arguably the less important part. If you really want to know what’s going on, watch the corporations.

How can you do that? Follow the money — donations by corporate political action committees.

Look, for example, at the campaign contributions of commercial banks — traditionally Republican-leaning, but only mildly so. So far this year, according to The Washington Post, 63 percent of spending by banks’ corporate PACs has gone to Republicans, up from 53 percent last year. Securities and investment firms, traditionally Democratic-leaning, are now giving more money to Republicans. And oil and gas companies, always Republican-leaning, have gone all out, bestowing 76 percent of their largess on the G.O.P.

These are extraordinary numbers given the normal tendency of corporate money to flow to the party in power. Corporate America, however, really, truly hates the current administration. Wall Street, for example, is in “a state of bitter, seething, hysterical fury” toward the president, writes John Heilemann of New York magazine. What’s going on?

One answer is taxes — not so much on corporations themselves as on the people who run them. The Obama administration plans to raise tax rates on upper brackets back to Clinton-era levels. Furthermore, health reform will in part be paid for with surtaxes on high-income individuals. All this will amount to a significant financial hit to C.E.O.’s, investment bankers and other masters of the universe.

Now, don’t cry for these people: they’ll still be doing extremely well, and by and large they’ll be paying little more as a percentage of their income than they did in the 1990s. Yet the fact that the tax increases they’re facing are reasonable doesn’t stop them from being very, very angry.

Nor are taxes the whole story.

Many Obama supporters have been disappointed by what they see as the administration’s mildness on regulatory issues — its embrace of limited financial reform that doesn’t break up the biggest banks, its support for offshore drilling, and so on. Yet corporate interests are balking at even modest changes from the permissiveness of the Bush era.

From the outside, this rage against regulation seems bizarre. I mean, what did they expect? The financial industry, in particular, ran wild under deregulation, eventually bringing on a crisis that has left 15 million Americans unemployed, and required large-scale taxpayer-financed bailouts to avoid an even worse outcome. Did Wall Street expect to emerge from all that without facing some new restrictions? Apparently it did.

So what President Obama and his party now face isn’t just, or even mainly, an opposition grounded in right-wing populism. For grass-roots anger is being channeled and exploited by corporate interests, which will be the big winners if the G.O.P. does well in November.

If this sounds familiar, it should: it’s the same formula the right has been using for a generation. Use identity politics to whip up the base; then, when the election is over, give priority to the concerns of your corporate donors. Run as the candidate of “real Americans,” not those soft-on-terror East coast liberals; then, once you’ve won, declare that you have a mandate to privatize Social Security. It comes as no surprise to learn that American Crossroads, a new organization whose goal is to deploy large amounts of corporate cash on behalf of Republican candidates, is the brainchild of none other than Karl Rove.

But won’t the grass-roots rebel at being used? Don’t count on it. Last week Rand Paul, the Tea Party darling who is now the Republican nominee for senator from Kentucky, declared that the president’s criticism of BP over the disastrous oil spill in the gulf is “un-American,” that “sometimes accidents happen.” The mood on the right may be populist, but it’s a kind of populism that’s remarkably sympathetic to big corporations.

So where does that leave the president and his party? Mr. Obama wanted to transcend partisanship. Instead, however, he finds himself very much in the position Franklin Roosevelt described in a famous 1936 speech, struggling with “the old enemies of peace — business and financial monopoly, speculation, reckless banking, class antagonism, sectionalism, war profiteering.”

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Roosevelt turned corporate opposition into a badge of honor: “I welcome their hatred,” he declared. It’s time for President Obama to find his inner F.D.R., and do the same.



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Depression common in seniors’ facilities, study finds, André Picard, Nay 20 2010.

New research suggests up to 42 per cent of resident seniors suffer from the disease

A startling 44 per cent of the quarter-million seniors living in residential-care facilities are suffering from clinical depression, a new study shows.

Researchers found that 26 per cent of residents of nursing homes, personal care homes and long-term care facilities have been diagnosed with depression and another 18 per cent have clear symptoms but no documented diagnosis of depression.

“This study sheds light on the size of this problem,” Nancy White, manager of home and continuing care development at the Canadian Institute for Health Information. “But I think the larger message is that we shouldn’t accept depression as normal in residential care. It is an illness that can be treated.”

In fact, the data show that two-thirds of seniors who had a diagnosis of depression showed few symptoms, suggesting that they were being treated effectively.

On the other hand, those who had symptoms of depression and were not being treated were three times more likely to suffer from a bevy of problems, including poor sleep, isolation, loss of appetite and difficulty communicating.

“In seniors, depression tends to manifest itself with a lot of physical symptoms like this, not necessarily with tears and sadness,” said Marie-France Tourigny-Rivard, an Ottawa psychiatrist who chairs the seniors’ advisory committee of the Mental Health Commission of Canada.

She said the new data point to a need to take the issue of depression – and mental health generally – more seriously in seniors, especially those in institutional care. She cautioned, however, against jumping to the conclusion that large numbers of residents are depressed because of their living conditions. “You can’t assume that living in a nursing home causes depression,” she said.

“Rather, we need to understand that the factors that lead people to live in a residential care setting – physical illness, dementia, loss of a spouse, reduced mobility, etc. – are the same ones that can trigger depression,” Dr. Tourigny-Rivard said.

She said there are two common misperceptions that result in seniors being grossly under-diagnosed and under-treated for depression: 1) the belief that aging is, in itself, depressing and; 2) the notion that that older adults with mental-health problems – whether they have long-term issues or are newly diagnosed – cannot recover.

Dr. Tourigny-Rivard stressed, however, that depression is treatable regardless of a person’s age, with medication, psychotherapy and peer support.

The study, which involved 50,000 seniors in Nova Scotia, Ontario, Manitoba, Saskatchewan and Yukon, is one of the largest and most detailed ever conducted in the residential care setting. All the participants underwent the same standard test for depression, using an assessment tool called RAI-MDS 2.0. The approach has already been adopted by eight provinces and territories.

“This is going to make it a lot easier to collect information, to compare it and to determine if interventions work,” Ms. White said.

Ultimately, data will be available right down to the individual nursing home level and, theoretically, it could be published for public consumption if the provinces so choose.

Nationwide, there are an estimated 250,000 seniors living in institutional-care settings. The data suggest that more than 100,000 of them are suffering from clinical depression.

The number of people living in nursing homes and similar institutions is expected to soar as Baby Boomers hit their senior years. People over the age of 65 currently make up 12 per cent of the population; that number is projected to grow to 20 per cent by the year 2020.



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On the Verge of ‘Vital Exhaustion’?, Benedict Carey, May 31 2010.

Decades ago modern medicine all but stamped out the nervous breakdown, hitting it with a combination of new diagnoses, new psychiatric drugs and a strong dose of professional scorn. The phrase was overused and near meaningless, a self-serving term from an era unwilling to talk about mental distress openly.

But like a stubborn virus, the phrase has mutated.

In recent years, psychiatrists in Europe have been diagnosing what they call “burnout syndrome,” the signs of which include “vital exhaustion.” A paper published last year defined three types: “frenetic,” “underchallenged,” and “worn out” (“exasperated” and “bitter” did not make the cut).

This is the latest umbrella term for the kind of emotional collapses that have plagued humanity for ages, stemming at times from severe mental difficulties and more often from mild ones. There have been plenty of others. In the early decades of the 20th century, many people simply referred to a crackup, including “The Crack-Up,” F. Scott Fitzgerald’s 1936 collection of essays describing his own. And before that there was neurasthenia, a widely diagnosed and undefined nerve affliction causing just about any symptom people cared to add.

Yet medical historians say that, for versatility and descriptive power, it may be hard to improve upon the “nervous breakdown.” Coined around 1900, the phrase peaked in usage during the middle of the 20th century and echoes still. One recent study found that 26 percent of respondents to a national survey in 1996 reported that they had experienced an “impending nervous breakdown,” compared with 19 percent from the same survey in 1957.

“‘Nervous breakdown’ is one of those sturdy old terms, like ‘melancholia’ and ‘nervous illness,’ that haven’t really been surpassed, although they sound antiquated,” the historian Edward Shorter, co-author with Max Fink of the book “Endocrine Psychiatry: Solving the Riddle of Melancholia,” said in an e-mail message.

Never a proper psychiatric diagnosis, the phrase always struck most doctors as inexact, pseudoscientific and often misleading. But those were precisely the qualities that gave it such a lasting place in the popular culture, some scholars say. “It had just enough medical sanction to be useful, but did not depend on medical sanction to be used,” said Peter N. Stearns, a historian at George Mason University near Washington, D.C.

A nervous breakdown was no small thing in the 1950s or ’60s, at least by the time a person arrived at a doctor’s office. Psychiatrists today say that, most often, it was code for an episode of severe depression — or psychosis, the delusions that often signal schizophrenia.

“I don’t remember people who got that label ever using it as their own complaint — it was very much stigmatized,” said Dr. Nada L. Stotland, a former president of the American Psychiatric Association and a professor at Rush Medical College in Chicago, who began practicing in the 1960s. “Whether it was ‘nervous exhaustion’ or ‘nervous breakdown,’ anything that sounded psychiatric was stigmatized at that time. It was shameful, humiliating.”

The vagueness of the phrase made it impossible to survey the prevalence of any specific mental problem: It could mean anything from depression to mania or drunkenness; it might be the cause of a bitter divorce or the result of a split. And glossing over those details left people who suffered from what are now well-known afflictions, like postpartum depression, entirely in the dark, wondering if they were alone in their misery.

But that same imprecision allowed the speaker, not medical professionals, to control its meaning. People might be on the verge of, or close to, a nervous breakdown; and it was common enough to have had “something like” a nervous breakdown, or a mild one. The phrase allowed a person to disclose as much, or as little, detail about a “crackup” as he or she saw fit. Vagueness preserves privacy.

Dr. Shorter said that the term “nervous” has traditionally been a “weasel word” for mental troubles, implying that the cause was something physical beyond the person’s control — their damaged nerves, not their mind. And a breakdown, after all, is something that happens to cars. It’s a temporary problem; or at least, not necessarily chronic.

Through the ages, every generation has attributed its own catchall diagnosis to larger cultural changes. Industrialization. Modernization. The digital age. The 19th-century philosopher William James reportedly called neurasthenia, from which he claimed to suffer himself, “Americanitis,” in part the result of the accelerating pace of American life. So it was with breakdowns. The causes were largely external — and recovery a matter of better managing life’s demands.

“People accepted the notion of nervous breakdown often because it was construed as a category that could handled without professional help,” concluded a 2000 analysis by Dr. Stearns, Megan Barke and Rebecca Fribush. The popularity of the phrase, they wrote, revealed “a longstanding need to keep some distance from purely professional diagnoses and treatments.”

Many did just that, and returned to work and family. Others did not. They needed a more specific diagnosis, and targeted treatment. By the 1970s, more psychiatric drugs were available, and doctors directly attacked the idea that people could effectively manage breakdowns on their own.

Psychiatrists proceeded to slice problems like depression and anxiety into dozens of categories, and public perceptions shifted, too. In 1976, 26 percent of people admitted seeking professional help, up from 14 percent in 1947, according to Dr. Stearns’s analysis. And “nervous breakdown” began to fade from use.

The same fate may or may not await “burnout syndrome,” which for now has backing from some doctors and medical researchers. But it has another 30 years to outlast the classic “breakdown.”

Thursday, 7 May 2009

day ten, nothing left but death wish

Up, Down.

nothing left to overcome that is ...
... and i do hear the mourning doves outside my window these days ...
but (fala serio!) death wish is not to be sneezed at eh?

Tiffy ThompsonPaddy MolloyPaddy Molloy
these are the images attached to the two articles below, worth a note on process here or at least worth thinking a bit about what gets across and what doesn't and why, Tiffy Thompson's could not be presented entirely at the scale above because Blogger arbitrarily formats things with a width greater than 200 pixels, and in order to present these three in a row ... a tradeoff, and Paddy Molloy's 'man with his head up his arse' was in colour with the on-line version of the story, but not at a resolution where you could see the head very readily, and the print version (at least in pdf representaton) is not in colour ... what to do? well, what i did, more distortion is inevitable, who cares? whatever ...

ok, below are two essays on depression, and a number of responses, read it and understand it or not, whatever, my take runs along the lines of a loving physical network, actual people, actual connections, face-to-face

or at least with the memory of having been face-to-face, my, my, gets complicated right away as soon as you start to consider the Internet eh? better to leave it off

what someone might see if they looked, is this very activity as a displacement for lack of attention, i knew a woman, a psychiatrist, who hated transcendence with such a passion ... that it was almost transcendent, i dreamed of her the other night and when i woke i wondered why?

anyway, it is the beginning of day ten and i feel like if someone doesn't somehow make contact with me i will fold, "if i don't get some shelter, yeah i'm gonna fade away." (Stones at YouTube) "Things that love night, love not such nighs as these," might have said my friend Keith ... just passing time here y'unnerstan, pleading, waiting to see ...



Appendices:
Born-again happy, Jennifer Baetz Chester, March 10, 2009.
Born-again happy - Comments.
I can't 'snap out of' my depression, Sarah McCaffrey, May 7, 2009.
I can't 'snap out of' my depression - Comments.

Robert Crumb, Mr NaturalRobert Crumb, GenesisRobert Crumb, Mr NaturalRobert Crumb, Please Warm My Weiner, Old Time Hokum Blues


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Born-again happy, Jennifer Baetz Chester, March 10, 2009.

For years, depression meant I couldn't smile without it feeling like a lie. Now I grin from the inside out.

Thirty-two. In terms of years lived, it's not a remarkable number. I'm not naive, nor am I particularly wise. It's an in-between age, one I thought I could ride on the contented wave I had been surfing for a couple of years.

Yet something unexpected happened at this age. I started to become uncomfortable with the reality of growing older.

It began in the spring after my grandmother died, followed quickly by her sister and niece. Within four months, an entire branch of my family tree had been reduced to sawdust. While I was still trying to sort through my grief, my father-in-law landed in the intensive care unit following major surgery. All this made me see that death won't be passing me by. It's only a matter of time before it comes to whisk me away.

I began to wonder if I should have accomplished more professionally by this point in my life. I earned a university degree and am enjoying a career as a musician and educator. I love what I do and the people I get to work with, but part of me was convinced I should be trying to make more of an impact on the world than just teaching flute lessons and playing at weddings.

I'm ashamed to admit that the physical aspect of aging troubled me most. My face looks different than it did a few years ago. Lines have appeared on my forehead from years of worried scrunching. My skin is constantly dry. And I have a new crease that appears in my left cheek when I smile.

When I first discovered this line, I thought perhaps I had slept on my face in an odd way. Or maybe I was retaining water in strange places. I looked in the mirror on and off for days, alternating between smiling and frowning. I concluded this was a new wrinkle, one more indication I'm headed toward middle age.

But in the midst of my experimental grinning and shallow concerns, I realized it wasn't that long ago that I was unable to smile as I do now. I wasn't really 32. My real age was 8.

In the spring of 2000 I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Depression was nothing new to me: I had lived with mild to severe symptoms for years. I thought it was normal to be miserable and anxious more often than not.

During this particularly bad episode, I was brave enough to ask for help. In time, I came to experience life free from gut-wrenching sadness, rage and self pity. My birth certificate at the time said I was 24. But this diagnosis offered me a chance to be reborn. As my doctor was reassuring me I could escape the hell I had been living in for more than two decades, my age clock rewound to zero.

I didn't notice this rebirth until a few months after I started taking antidepressant medication. I was working for the summer at a farm near my parents' house. One afternoon, I found myself alone in the middle of a field of young tobacco plants, taking a brief rest. Standing at the top of a gentle slope, I closed my eyes and tilted my face up to the sun. I breathed in deeply and sighed it out. I was whole, relaxed and at peace.

All this felt good, but strangely unfamiliar. I felt genuinely happy for the first time in my life. As I stood in the middle of virtually nothing, covered in dirt and sweat, I experienced my first moment of everyday joy.

Many more of these moments followed, small triumphs that formed the foundation of my new life. I celebrated these markers just as parents would celebrate their child's first steps or words.

I could finally answer the question, "How are you?" truthfully. I could carry on a casual conversation without feeling self-conscious. I could ride public transit without having a panic attack. I stopped verbally abusing myself. I started to believe I was beautiful. I learned to forgive and love myself.

And I started to smile. Really smile.

I used to smile with just my mouth. It felt like a lie most of the time. I had to do it because no one wanted to be around the girl who was always frowning.

But now I smile from the inside out. It starts somewhere deep in my gut and creeps up through my torso and throat until it finds my lips. When it happens, I radiate the everyday joy I've been feeling since that moment in the field. I'm still amazed at how easy it is and how often I do it.

I suspect the depth of the crease in my left cheek has been enhanced by the amount of smiling I've engaged in over the past eight years.

My smile line may continue to bother me superficially on those days when I'm coming to terms with the steady march of aging. But that little crease also serves as a reminder of how lucky I am to be healthy, alive and 32 going on 8.

Jennifer Baetz Chester lives in London, Ont.

Illustration by Tiffy Thompson.



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Born-again happy - Comments.

Edward Eh from Bathurst, NB, Canada writes: Thank you Jennifer, the chronology is a little difficult to untangle but your hopeful story is just what my friend needs to read, for her own hopes and smiles. Off it goes now...

Aries Babe from Canada writes: Thank you so much Jennifer. I have 'survived' chronic depression for 40 of my 50 years but at this time of year, after months of darkness and cold, is still my lowest time of the year. You have reminded me again of what a profound gift I received 20 years ago when I started medication and psychotherapy. I also had to unlearn and relearn how to live as a person without the black dog of depression weighing me down. Joy comes in the smallest moments and needs to be grabbed and held tight.
Namaste, light & love ...

kat i from Whitby, Canada writes: Jennifer, thank you for the article. There are many people in this age bracket who can relate, especially women. I believe women are at their most beautiful at this age. And radiance, confidence, and kindness from within takes years off your actual age. Think of yourself as a fine bottle of wine and embrace aging because there is no cream or plastic surgery that is going to reverse it. I'm 37 and can honestly say I have never felt better.

David Wilson, from Toronto writes: you say, "And I started to smile. Really smile." really? how do you distinguish 'really' from the effects of the drug in this case? in the 60s some people took acid and leapt out of windows because they thought they could 'really' fly, auto-defenestration Mr. Black would call it :-) and I think your 'cure' is analogous

Jewel of a gal from Canada writes: Jennifer, thank you for your honesty. As a sufferer of bipolar disorder, I completely understand your comment of "And I started to smile. Really smile." It's really quite an amazing experience!

David, I am going out on a limb and assuming that you have never suffered with depression. I could be wrong but I think not. When you suffer from depression, there is very rarely a reason to smile. Depression, being a chemical imbalance in the brain, once corrected by proper medication, brings forth a wealth of emotions and experiences that most people take for granted. A smile, a real smile, comes from deep inside.

Comparing acid trips to depression is like comparing apples to oranges. One is a chemical imbalance, created on a voluntary basis (and stupid IMHO), only treated by coming down off the high. Any side effects from taking acid are created by the voluntary use of the drug. The other chemical imbalance is not one anyone picks up voluntarily, and the drugs can be a miracle for those that are truly suffering. I hope that you never experience it, as it really does make life a living hell. Perhaps you should spend some time with those of us that are fighting to find the normalcy you take for granted. Greater understanding of mental illness would stop ignorant comments such as yours.

M. Vee from Canada writes: Jennifer, thank you for this.

I am also 32, and feel as if I could've written this article myself. I've suffered from depression my entire life without even knowing it, so your comment, "I thought it was normal to be miserable and anxious more often than not," really hit home.

I'm glad to hear there's hope for me yet! :)

Kate MadeinFrance from Victoria, Canada writes: Hear, hear to "Jewel of a Gal" for your efforts (probably largely wasted) to educate the one unsympathetic poster! Thank you for having the courage to share Jennifer; I hope you enjoy the rest of your voyage of self-discovery a.k.a. "life".

va donc chier from Canada writes: David, that was pretty judgmental. I think you should pop a few empathy pills.

She was not "cured" any more than insuline cures diabetes, another naturally occurring chemical imbalance corrected by modern medecine.

I'm mad as hell from god's country from Canada writes: Great article. M Vee - you took the words right out of my mouth. For most of my life, I too assumed that the way I felt most of the time - sad, tired, little enthusiasm for life, etc - was normal. It wasn't until I had a major meltdown at age 35 that I got help. I am now 52 and the last 15 years have been wonderful. Please don't hesitate to get medication and therapy. Those 2 things saved my life.

Neil Raynor from Canada writes: some specifics would be nice - HOW did you overcome this? it's a wonderful article, but I'm on the outside looking in...25, still in the throes of a lifelong battle with depression. was prescription medication a big part of your recovery?

S G from Toronto, Canada writes: Neil, I agree. Its great that the author has overcome the battle, and from that we can take some comfort, however there is not much to learn from this that we might actually be able to apply.
Posted 10/03/09 at 11:31 PM EDT | Alert an Editor | Link to Comment

joe pinto from Pune, India writes: Thanks for sharing your life, Jennifer.
I am an editor, now retired.

As a gift, I would like to offer you and the readers of F&A,
a peek into mine on my blog - Against the Tide -
at: http://sangatizuzay.blogspot.com/

David Wilson, from Toronto writes: 'Jewel of a Gal' eh? guess I have to take you at your word, as a matter of fact I have suffered with depression and continue to have bouts, years ago, when it became a practical problem I was lucky enough to run into a quack who gave me the choice, drugs or therapy, I chose therapy and after a while I gained some appreciation and control, there is not space in this comment box to recapitulate a line of thinking that runs from Oliver Sachs to Charles Taylor to Ivan Illich to Gabor Maté, sorry to be name-dropping it is just an attempt at shorthand :-) my root thought is that the problem is spiritual, that it runs hand-in-hand with learning to consider ourselves as objects rather than beings, and that it reflects a failure or inability to come to terms with identity as human cultures move universally from the sacred to the profane, when I was at McGill there was a young poet who died of cancer, Steve Smith, his poem, God's Kaliedescope, sums it up in a way (sorry, I have to quote from memory): when my speck of green / first turned the brown of Job's dunghill / i looked up to curse / but then i saw / that in God's eye / all turns are just as beautiful. your turn of phrase is revealing, "those of us that are fighting" might be better put, "those of us who are fighting," but I mention it simply to point out a, to me, telling subject/object slip, the story of the Good Samaritan is the great divide for me here, there are (at least) two roads to walk after you read it (or maybe after it reads you :-); one leading to the bureaucratic nonsense you would call 'health care', the artist formerly known as compassion; and the other leading to a loving network of physical contact between specific individuals, but as I re-read your note I wonder ... "the trouble with normal is it always gets worse" said Bruce Cockburn ... I have seen friends of mine permanently dumbed-down with Prozak and the like too - oops, no more room :-) be well.

John Doucette from Canada writes: Jennifer, I'm glad the drugs are working.

Kim Philby from Canada writes: Over the years my doctors have experimented with the gamut of SSRI's, sometimes in combination. Yeah, they worked; I felt - what? - content? Flattened out? Sooner or later I'd end up deep-sixing my meds. I need them, but when I'm on them I feel like I've somehow lost myself. It's something of a love-hate relationship I have going with these drugs. I've been off them for a few months, and I've gotta say, it's tempting to open that little plastic container of warm fuzzies again.

M. Vee from Canada writes: David, much to my own chagrin, I believe I have to agree with you. :)

I have both a mother and a sister who take medication for anxiety, and I've always felt unsettled by the result. While my mother is especially "flattened out" or "dead in the eyes," my sister thankfully hit on the right medication (after six different prescriptions and some particularly scary incidents of spontaneously falling asleep while driving on Hwy. 401) and is now back to her "normal self."

Instead of going this route, I've chosen to try to manage my depression with weight-training, yoga, reflexology, Aqua-Fit classes with a group of older women (for a weekly dose of "wisdom" on life), a touch of Kabbalah (LOL!). I can't say I've hit on the perfect combination yet, but a tend to think medication is going to be a "last resort" for me when all else fails.

Yvonne Wackernagel from Woodville, Canada writes: And surely your music puts a song in your heart on a regular basis. Keep on with your music; it will be the most important ingredient in helping that smile to become a chuckle.

The Wet One from The frozen wastes of Canuckdom, Canada writes: I went with the happy pills myself and life has never been better. Managing the depression with other mechanisms has not succeeded. I've managed not to have any "Dead in the Eyes" look too (if I'm not mistaken, I'm thinking that women don't date those kind of guys and they never dated me before the happy pills). Different strokes for different folks.

As long as we don't end up hanging from the rafters like someone I know was found in the last month, it's all good. Right? Or is there a "right" way to avoid suicide? If so, let me know what it is, as my way seems to be working for me.

Be well.

it's a fact from Canada writes: M. Vee from Canada writes: Jennifer, thank you for this.

I am also 32, and feel as if I could've written this article myself. I've suffered from depression my entire life without even knowing it, so your comment, "I thought it was normal to be miserable and anxious more often than not," really hit home.

me too. it wasn't until I had a child and my anxiety order got ratcheted up in the throes of post-partum depression that I realized it was an issue... oh, and the meds, combined with therapy, saved my life.

Hockeydad London from Canada writes: Thank you for the article. Another Londoner I note. Hope it is not the city that is the problem! I too have suffered a number of bouts of depression and have been on a series of medication. What I have now seems to be working for the most part. For me the frustration is that I believe my condition has limited my performance as a person. I feel trapped in a box that keeps shrinking and live in fear rather than excitement and joy. Not a good place to be. While each of us has our own experience with this illness, I conclude that whatever allows you to deal with it would be fine by me. Without my current medication I could not even function on a day to day basis as I am doing now. Good luck to you and it is great to hear of a success story.

Ro Mac from Toronto, Canada writes: This is a welcome story - it mirrors my own experience through to age 30, tho I did it without any drugs.

It really is a day to day, incremental battle with your mind, then you wake up one morning and realize you're actually happy for the first time in an extremely long time. Once you get there, don't chance anything -- stay on the path, it only gets better with age.



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I can't 'snap out of' my depression, Sarah McCaffrey, May 7, 2009.

I'm tired of lying about it. I'm tired of the stigma and shame. That's why I'm writing this.

"It's a shame about your job," my friend says.

"Yes," I say. "But what can you do? In this economy lots of people are getting laid off."

We both nod and sigh a little. The part about the economy is true. The part about my job is a lie. I've been lying to a lot of people lately.

The truth is that I wasn't laid off from my job. I've been sick, too sick to work. I struggled through most of the winter to make it through those long, dark days at my desk, but eventually I had to quit before the end of a six-month contract. It wasn't a choice. I simply couldn't keep going.

So why didn't I just tell my friend this? Surely he would be supportive. Why would I lie to someone I've known for more than 10 years?

Because the thing I'm sick with usually doesn't generate the same level of sympathy and understanding as other illnesses, even though it's far more common than most people imagine.

Simply put, I'm depressed. Clinical depression, major depressive disorder, severe depression; there are several names for what's going on inside my head.

Major depression is more than just feeling sad all the time. It's a serious illness that can take over an entire life and make a formerly productive person incapable of doing pretty much anything. At least that's what it's done to me. But from my experience fighting depression on and off for the past eight years, most people don't see it that way.

There is a deeply ingrained belief in our society that mental illness is a form of personal weakness and that if sufferers really wanted to they could just (and I detest this phrase) "snap out of it."

Unfortunately, that's not possible. Believe me, I've tried. I've tried talk therapy, light therapy, yoga, meditation, medication, exercise, vitamins, you name it. But my boot straps firmly refuse to be pulled up. None of my efforts or the efforts of several medical professionals have so far been able to pull me out of the swamp of despair that I've been sinking into for months.

I barely remember what it feels like not to be depressed. I've heard depression described in many ways, usually involving the colour black — sometimes as a black wave, black dogs or a black hole. These make it sound like depression is something external to the depressive, as though it comes sneaking up from the outside or is a well-hidden area of quicksand that a person can slip into by accident.

For me it's never been like that. I've always felt like it's something inside me, always there even if I can't feel it at one particular moment. It does feel black, but more like a black swamp, a heavy, wet, cloying ooze that bubbles up from inside my chest and spreads throughout my body, weighing me down.

I tried for a long time to act normal in spite of it, and most of the time I did an excellent job. But I couldn't keep it up forever. I feel the depression so deeply that sometimes I don't understand how it's possible that people don't see it. I feel I radiate misery like a halogen bulb.

Sometimes, if I'm having a really bad day, someone will ask, "Are you okay?"

I want to burst into tears and say, "No, I'm not, please help me." But I never do. Instead I say, "Yes, I'm fine," in the high-pitched voice I always use when I lie.

This is only my personal experience of depression, and I'm sure it feels different for everyone, but I think a feeling of intense despair is common to most depressives, along with feelings of isolation and loneliness.

On top of the despair is the embarrassment and shame that inevitably come with mental illness. Sometimes the stigma feels as heavy as the despair itself. A few close friends and family know what I've been going through, but to the rest of the world I do my best to present a normal front. They ask how I am and I say, "I'm fine."

But I'm not fine. I'm so tired. I'm tired of lying, tired of hiding. I'm tired of feeling ashamed of being sick. And I know I'm far from the only person who feels this way.

Every instinct I have is telling me not to reveal my mental-health issues, telling me to keep struggling to get better in silence. I cringe at the thought of people I know reading this. What will they think of me?

But somewhere along the line, the silence has became more of a burden than the shame and the fear of judgment. There are countless people out there right now in pain and ashamed of their own suffering. So that's why I'm writing this, for myself and for everyone else who struggles with mental illness.

I haven't given up the fight to get better. I know it's possible. But it takes time, resources and, above all, patience. It also takes people to believe in us. We can't be afraid to ask for help. We have nothing to be ashamed of.

Sarah McCaffrey lives in Toronto.



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I can't 'snap out of' my depression - Comments.

Ground Working from Canada writes: An absolutely excellent, honest article.

Ground Working from Canada writes: Your description of the symptoms is really well done. My bet is that a lot of people don't recognize their own depression for what it is: depression. I don't mean to belittle the severe cases, but I think there's an important upside for most people that accompanies the recognition that their depression is actually depression - where there is typically light at the end of the tunnel, and where many of the negative thoughts are recognized for not being "real", but being symptoms of the disorder.

adriano Chiaselotti from Canada writes: I could not agree more. I have been fighting deppresion for almost 18years now and you are right people don't understand . When I try to talk about it I tear up almost right away. It truly is a battle and I have finally accepted it now I only wish people in my life can do the same for me.

Misery No one from Toronto, Canada writes: One has to wonder if there's any real help out there.

D C from United States writes: I think it's good that you wrote this...

Canadian Woman from Canada writes: Sarah. Thank you for writing one of the best descriptions I've ever read of the actual experience of Depression. I know, from long personal experience, exactly how it feels & you put it into words better than I ever could.

And you speak so well about people not "getting it". I used to think that it would be much easier if when one has Major Depression, you could wear a hat that identified you as a verified truly sick person. It is so exhausting to have to pretend all the time.

I also know that there's absolutely nothing I can say that will make you feel any better now. But I know that if you can get the right meds - not easy at all I know - it WILL get better. All you have to do right now is to hang on a minute at a time, sweetheart. Just one minute. Just for now. You can do it, & your gift of words is why you need to stay. I am holding you in my heart.

Thinkingman FromCanada from Canada writes: Profound article! As someone who works for a non-profit agency I see first hand the social stigma the mentally ill endure.

With Sincere Kindness and Empathy. Kevin.

JM Bechard from Quebec City, Canada writes: You are not the only one that is struggling with mental illness: everyone is. Indeed, being part of a society that still stigmatizes mental illness makes us all ill. It is therefore not just to you to seek help, but to all of us to cure our views about mental illness, which is not worse than physical illness. Do we really need a doctor's note prescribing our own thinking?

ck f from Canada writes: Wow, Sarah. Well said. In our household we know what that is. Me, my spouse, my son, and my daughter ... all four of us grapple with this to varying degrees at various times. It truly is a lifelong battle. I wish you well, and I also wish you understanding from others. Thank you so much for being honest with clarity.

Diana Bedoya from North Vancouver, Canada writes: I just wanted to commend you for your honesty and courage in writing your article. My brother suffers from depression, and I honestly feel lost in trying to understand it. Thank you for providing me with some insight (although I realize every case is different). He's mentioned some of the same symptoms you have described, which has really hit home with me.
Thank you again

Tom R from Victoria, B.C., Canada writes: Sarah, As others have said, thank you for your honesty, courage and clarity. how you describe your depression strickes a cord for me as well. I'm in my late 50's and still have my dark days, however not as dark as when I was younger. Medication [ the right combo ], my wife's support and the hard earned knowledge that it WILL pass make it bareable, so I accept my depression as part of me, the flip side of my positive sensitivity towards life. Hang in there Sarah, you are more than worth it, even in your darkest hours. Take care.

J S from Canada writes: Excellent article! I think it was Johnny Cash that said, "If you find yourself in hell, keep walking. You may come out the other side." I'm going to keep walking... JM Bechard from Quebec City, Canada - I can tell from your comment, you've never experienced mental illness. It is just as life threatening as any physical disease. It's the reason I know that it would take 8 feet 8 inches of rope to snap my neck with a noose. Thankfully, I have a wonderful family and good doctors that are helping me. The author of this article described the symptoms of depression to a 't' and anyone that's been there understands. You don't and probably never will. What I'd like you to do is to read up on mental illness - the causes, symptoms and treatment - to try and understand rather than continue the stigma of "get over it". So you know - this is the sentence that tells me that you don't get it: "Do we really need a doctor's note prescribing our own thinking?" No, I don't. I need the doctor's help to prescribe me medication to try and balance the chemicals in my brain. My doctor is also trying to teach me how to deal with an over-active anterior cingulette which complicates my depression by throwing in obsessive compulsive disorder. I'm also learning to recognize my emotions and to tell people about them - heavy emphasis on 'telling people about them'. I'm also learning alternative ways of thinking - it's called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - so I can cope with my disease in the future. Telling me to "get over it" is like telling a diabetic they don't need insulin - everyone's body produces it, just make more, it's simple...

J S from Canada writes: Damn it! I put paragraphs for a reason G&M!

Peter North from van, Canada writes: jeez, thats depressing.

better living through chemistry!

Man of La Mancha from Canada writes: Sarah, you wonder "I cringe at the thought of people I know reading this. What will they think of me?"

I think you're incredible - struggling through with a very heavy burden, but still managing somehow. As one who has experienced depression, I know how difficult it is just to get through the day when you are depressed. The fact that you have managed this for so long is a testament to your strenght of character and resilience. I hope that you are able to get the help you need to once again be able to enjoy the good things in life.

Craig Schiller from Toronto, writes: Part of the problem is that many people also use the words "depression" and "depressed" more casually, to mean the sort of transient bad mood that everybody gets into once in a while when a few minor inconveniences pile up at once. So those of us who struggle with the real thing face the distorted perception that it's something one can just snap out of, precisely because other people have cheapened the word by misusing it to describe the kind of temporary bad mood that one can snap out of easily.

Another part of the problem is that some people think antidepressants magically fix clinical depression, that all one has to do is pop a pill and they'll instantly be as good as new. Which isn't the case -- for most people, antidepressants can't do much more than just take the edge off, turning the inner murk into a dull aching grey.

So what should people understand here? Firstly: if you can actually complete the sentence "I'm depressed because...", then you're not really depressed, you're just in a bad mood. And secondly: if someone's struggling with the real thing, don't blithely tell us that we can fix it just by snapping out of it, popping a pill or reading The Secret. It doesn't work that way.

Jacaranda Jill from Australia writes: I've been depressed (who hasn't) but I've never suffered from depression, so it's a bit difficult for me to really understand what those suffering from depression go through. This article is a really good start. Well done.

Ken Cowan from Paris, France writes: Another thing most people don't realize is that depression saps your energy to the point where, even if you want to "fight it", you have no energy to do so. Just getting up out of bed seems to be too much. Making an appointment with a doctor, and then actually getting dressed and getting out of the house are almost too much to ask.

Which is why medication helps, even if it doesn't necessarily cure; somehow, if well-chosen, the medication does give the energy needed to "fight back"...( a term I am using which, above all, simply means to "keep going" as opposed to deciding that there is no more point to living).

Squish_a_p From BC from Canada writes: Thank you for sharing your story Sarah.

Fabien Nadeau from St-Liboire, QC, Canada writes: Thanks. My daughter has been fighting depression for a few months, now, and I know she would understand how you feel.

Depression is hard on personal relationships. A husband has to do all the chores, and friends don't what to think, what to do...

It's like a sinkhole... Causes not well understood, remedies not well working.

Let's just hope chemistry can help relieving the pain...

I feel so helpless. Is there a solution?

David Wilson, from Toronto writes: there was a similar story posted here in March, Born-again happy, I notice that it is still available on the Globe site: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/ RTGAM.20090310.wfacts10/CommentStory/Business/ in which the author seemed to be saying that drugs were the way out, I am glad to see that this writer does not make such a claim, and she does make very clear one of the principal dilemmas, that depressed people are not very attractive and tend to get short shrift, when I was first going through this myself (many years ago) I was given an Awake (yup, by a Salvationer who gave me my copy as I sat in Ottawa's Lockmaster Tavern) in which this idea was also expressed, not a new thought then ----- there is not much room in one of these comment boxes, doh! no paragraphs as has already been lamented by one poster :-) and so forth, so I will cut to the chase ----- I am one of those old fogeys who think that it takes two to tango, this 'epidemic' of depression, certainly among the people that I know and talk to, seems to me to be the result both of character AND society, and the insights and thoughts that have helped me the most have come from quite an unexpected place - a Canadian philosopher, Charles Taylor, and his book, A Secular Age, which I recommend highly, my point being that the more clearly you can describe what is happening, the more likely you are to find some kind of resolution, be well.

Jane Benn from Canada writes: To Craig Schiller - what you are leaving out is that situational depression (what you call a bad mood) can, if it is severe enough and persists long enough, tip some people over into clinical depression, with its chemical imbalances, inability to function and emotional morasses. The difference is that, when the situation improves, and/or with medication, the patient can recover, usually within a relatively short (months or a year or two) time, and will often not relapse. The author, and the many others like her, suffer for years or decades or a lifetime. Medication helps some of them, but not all, and I admire anyone who struggles with this illness and manages to make life in spite of it.

D J from Canada writes: What is the point. We all end up dead in the end anyway! Remember that WSIB.

I'm mad as hell from god's country from Canada writes: Sarah - my heart goes out to you. I know from personal experience what major depresssion is like. Once I found the right medication and an excellent therapist, I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel and have been well for almost 20 years. I am amazed, however, that in this day and age, with all the publicity and information about depression, that there is still a stigma attached to it.

Rob Tremblay from ottawa, Canada writes: First off, well said and thank you for your bravery. I struggle with depression, and at one point did take prescribed meds. The meds were unbeleivable, they helped, I was happier than i had been in years. But did I want to continue taking meds for the rest of my life to be happy? The answer should have been I don't care, if it makes me happy do it. But my answer was in fact, no, I do not want my happiness to depend on a pill I must take daily. So I stopped after about 10 months on the meds, a period in which there was noticeably positive effetcs, and I was depressed again. I still am, I do not try and hide my depression as some do, I like to think I more so channel my depression. I will sit in candlelight and write, listen to specific music and watch specific movies as therapy. many of my friends associate a certain darkness to me, but that's who I am, if I am unhappy I am unhappy, I do not want a pill to change that. Is this denial? I am unsure. I am sure that i do not want to alter my natural state of mind. Perhaps I am sane in an insane world. Perhaps there are explainable roots to the problem that is my depression? I don't know, I've toyed around with the aspects of depression for years, and I just don't know. Good luck to everyone, and if you are not against medicating, I suggest you try, because it is unbeleivable the help it brings.

puffin wrangler from Montreal, Canada writes: Yeah, it can affect the part of your brain that regulates sleep. For two years I couldn't stay awake (I slept 14 hrs a day), I thought I had mono; then for two years I couldn't stay asleep (I slept 90 min. a night), I thought I was going to die. It's a bonafide disease, often compared to diabetes. You have the right to seek professional help.

But I've noticed a good thing, that the stigma is lessening. My grandparents were ashamed of my 'weakness,' but my cousins accepted it as a malady that could be cured. And I was cured: four years of medication then two years of counselling to put my life back together. Good luck to you. It's not something I would ever wish on my enemy.

Trish Murphy from Toronto, Canada writes: I have read that depression is an illness where the victim is often treated worse by those who should be the most supportive, spouses and family. Certainly I was treated with astonishing cruelty by some of those I was closest to when I succumbed to depression about two years ago. Would it help if we all started to think of it as a physical illness, something going wrong with a distinct organ, a shortfall of neurogenesis in the hippocampus? That seems to be a useful working model of what is actually happening in the brain in people who are ill. Stop calling it depression, which sounds too much like being temporarily down, and start calling it something like cortisol-induced hippocampal poisoning? Sarah, I was able to find a (so-called) SSRI medication which worked and to find a cognitive-behavioural therapist who understands how slow and painstaking recovery is. And that, I think, is key to understanding: recovery can be very slow. The medications take weeks to months to evaluate, to get the medication right, to get the dosage right, and for behavioral and cognitive changes to start affecting neurogenesis. And there are setbacks: seasonal darkness or a new stressful event can induce setbacks. But recovery happens. Thank you, Sarah, for writing about the fatigue and difficulty making choices, which seem to be among the hardest manifestations of the illness for others to understand, and which cannot be masked by an up-beat social facade. In the same period that I was facing depression, my older sister, who is physically active and of normal weight, was coping with a diagnosis of diabetes. It is astonishing the different social reaction to two illnesses, neither of which can be "snapped out of".

D S from Canada writes: I really enjoyed this article. What I liked most about it wasn't the great descrpition of symptoms or misunderstanding within society (which were very well depicted), but rather the way this type of sentiment can apply to a lot of people... I have been wanting to be tested for bipolar disease for some time now. I went to see my family doctor and he had said the symptoms I were feeling were simply circumstantial and that anxiety/nervousnous were driving my moods. My dad also saw it along these lines. It's frustrating when people just simply say that it is 'not a big deal. Everything will work out for you. You're just on edge because of where you're at right now. Once you control your emotions better, everything will be better'. And for a lot of people this is in fact true. Emotional control comes with maturity and experience. But I believet his should never undermine the fact that diagnosed medical illnesses should be overlooked the way they are. Although my current situation is the best it has ever been (accepted to a Masters program, pretty much over an ex-gf, finanically set up for school, great apartment lined up) I still would have liked to have some better testing done for bipolarism or depression... These diseases are just as 'physical' as any disease. They are defficiencies/abormalities in neurochemicals and, if anything, are much more serious physical problems. I wish society would just understand that these types of diseases are rooted in the most complex area of medical treatment, our brain chemistry, and should be justifiably taken as serious (if not more) than most other diseases.

p s from Toronto, Canada writes: I have found that the best way to fight depression is to stop fighting. Let it be and it will ease on its own. Fighting it only deepens the hole I'm in. And on the bad days, I try to accomplish some little thing - cleaning out a drawer, something that will give me some sense of accomplishment.

Al Gorman from Canada writes: Sarah, your comments are very courageous. Thanks! An old friend of mine would say "a problem shared is a problem half solved." I would advocate that in order to begin removing the societal stigma that it would be helpful to abandon the broad categorization of 'mental illness'. I also suggest that classifications, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, are not all that helpful either. It leads people and their conditions to become indistinguishable from one another. People who have a physical illness are not labelled with that. When was the last time you heard someone say "She has physical illness." Sarah's description is one that defines chronic and severe depression, yet no one is utterly and completely depressed, much the same as no one is utterly delusional or completely hallucinatory. Doctors are not always a great help. They mean well, write a prescription and send you on your way. I suggest the problem that results in the depressive state is one that is marked by anxiety, fear, and a pervasive interpretation of no possibility and apathy. I also suggest that where one cannot distinguish possibility that one often has been shaped by experiences they are incomplete with; experiences that have resulted in a loss of the authentic self, low self esteem, low confidence and feelings of shame, guilt and no self worth. Sarah's courageous step of sharing her experience with all of us and taking the risks that she has stepped out to take (probably because it is feels so bad that she doesn't see sharing her experience as being worst) is a wonderful step not only to helping herself but also to helping so many other people who identify with her experience and their own feelings of depression. Sarah...thanks again so much!

Kevin Desmoulin from TO, Canada writes: Keep up the fight, Ya and the way it is, a fight, just to get up.
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